He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
