Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
