i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
