I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
