it was like eating out sand paper
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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