Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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