I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
