I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
