I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
