he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
