Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
