I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
They took my balls.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
