well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
