be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
