The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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