I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
