your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
