Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
