Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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