I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if only i could text you this smell
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
