come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
