I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
