kristin has been a bad kristin
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
