kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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