If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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