Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
