some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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