Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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