i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
