Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
