if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
