well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Randomize
