you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It was confusing and full of hummus
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
