Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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