Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
