having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
