I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
