I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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