the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How does one acquire holy water?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
