That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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