I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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