I met the friendliest cop last night
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
