I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
