If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
