Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Liz is crying about burritos again.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
