yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
