I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize