someone get that fucking seahorse.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
