We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize