and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
