it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize