I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
