ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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