i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
