**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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