Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
