don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
