it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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