Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
