A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize