Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
