That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
