I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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