Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize