yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
