My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
