saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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