dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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