Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
