he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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