She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
