shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
