Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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