My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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