Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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