well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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