I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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