this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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