A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
