So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm both gender and math confused
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
